Sunday, April 16, 2006

Chapter 39 - Low Serotonin

It is hitting me, finally. Since the box of serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (Effexor SR) a friend found in the dumpster and gave to me is gone I now have to pay and the money isn't there. It isn't under the van seats, It isn't stuffed in a forgotton dirty clothes pocket. it isn't in a piggy bank up smothered in cobwebs above the kitchen cabinets that the previous tenants forgot about, and it certainly isn't going to fall out of the sky... It lasted me over a year. There was almost no agonizing desire to get skull fuck drunk. No creeping suicidal thoughts. I had actually realized what it could be like to be sort of normal for a year. Worth it. Now I know I can do it at least, that life can be very good without drugs or drink. In fact it was never good at all with drugs or drink so that's kind of of those statements. At least now I know what it is. Low serotonin. Probably from a bad fall I had as a kid or when they thought I was dying of Leukemia.

Hopefully a recent painting will sell and I can get the Effexor as I need some serious re-uptake inhibition going on right here!

Hopefully the doctor at the psychiatric clinic for poor people gets hit by a pharmaceutical truck for refusing to treat me because I didn't look or act homeless.