Saturday, September 30, 2006

5:00 am

In the dark with my tea at five am. Yesterday we ran the dogs at our special little spot of woods with the little stream running through it that few know about. Hank galloped and Lucky trotted. I lumbered along singing internally to the Dylan tune I heard in Starbucks. "I'm goin' back to New York City, I do believe I've had enough..." But I kept repeating the same lyrics over and over, had to shake my head and cough away the Obsessive Compulsive loop. When we got back to the house I put Hank and Lucky inside and filled their dog bowls with food and water and gave Lucky her meds and then went back out to J's new/used SUV and there was Hank sitting in the driver's seat. He had created his own doggie door in the screen of the screen door. Sitting there with a big grin on his face. I brought him back in and we drove around downtown looking at possible places for J to rent. We have both come to the solid conclusion that it is the best thing if we live in seperate places. Our love is still strong but we can't live together. At least not for awhile. I am filled with hope and the desire to paint has never been stronger so hopefully I can maintain this sobriety. It will be hard. I don't understand the urge to sink into the oblivion of alcohol but a book we have put on order may illuminate some things: "Man Against Himself" by Menninger. Can't wait to get it.

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